


And The Healing Has Begun

by NatashaGranger



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: And grow up, F/F, F/M, Gen, Jackie leaves, M/M, Multi, That I never watched btw, They need to heal y'all, all of them - Freeform, post-season 8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2020-12-09 12:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20994563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatashaGranger/pseuds/NatashaGranger
Summary: After the whole fiasco with Steven, Chicago – his wife – the name-calling, horrible mistreatment and subsequent falling out with Donna and the rest of the gang she decided enough was enough. She couldn’t stay, not where she was the disgraced princess who everyone left when something – or someone – better came along.And so, in July of 1979 she left.That’s what happened after.





	1. Chapter One

It had been more than a year since Jackie had last set foot in Point Place, after the whole fiasco with Steven, Chicago – his wife – the name-calling, horrible mistreatment and subsequent falling out with Donna and the rest of the gang she decided enough was enough. Her heart was broken into such tiny little pieces she thought she would never be able to mend it properly, least of all in that place where they all knew her problems and failings and already had the perfect mental image of who she was.

She couldn’t stay, not where she was the disgraced princess who everyone left when something – or someone – better came along.

And so, in July of 1979 she left.

Jackie packed everything she still owned, sold the big and empty mansion where she lived – with all the furniture she didn’t care about – and went to New York, where her grandmother, the great Beulah Adara Meyer-Burkhart, left her an apartment in the Upper East Side and a recommendation letter from the mayor before she died in January 18th, 1979 of a heart condition.

Once there she called the Forman’s, telling them she was safe and in the apartment. They promised to visit for her birthday in September.

She applied to Columbia University and; after checking her extracurricular activities, her charity work and how her grades hadn’t slipped once during her father’s trial and their loss of money, status and connection; got into their engineering program with an academic scholarship and a drive to prove everyone – including herself – wrong about what she was.

Her freshman and sophomore years were difficult, to say the least, she hadn’t been at school since graduating high school, the undergraduate program was hard and the professors were condescending and her peers didn’t want to work with her on group projects but Jackie was smart – and stubborn and a fast learner – so she strong-armed her place in the top ten of her classes in her first semester. Her birthday was a quiet affair, the Forman’s came and stayed in her spare bedroom, they went to see a Broadway show and Mrs. Forman left way too much food in her fridge. She spent her first Christmas in the city alone with Chinese takeout and store bought Sheppard pie – that was, in her opinion, a horrible degrade after years eating Mrs. Forman’s one. Once she came back for the January semester Jackie managed to get into AP classes and then the top of said classes; which forced her Physics B professor to offer her a spot in his research team.

She finished her first year of college at the third spot of the best grades, a researcher position in a prestigious research team – that evolved into a summer unpaid internship in the Universities laboratories. Once she went back to school, in the fall of 1980, she chose mechanical engineering as her major and managed – again – to get into AP classes. 

And so everything got harder and stressful and Jackie thought about quitting so much she decided to keep a tally in her bedroom wall if only to remind herself of how much she could accomplish if she didn’t listen to those thoughts.

“One emotional breakdown at a time,” she would say before putting another vertical line made by a pink marker in a whiteboard attached to the wall her study table resided.

She didn’t have any friends, and really it was for the best. The vast majority of her classmates were men – annoying, entitled and sexist men who only wanted her notes or her ass on their bed – and the women she did meet were in the same field as her, making them more competitors than anything – meaning any friendship would be ripe with tension and she really didn’t want that type of friendship anymore.

Of course that changed when she met Olivia Moore; a blonde haired and brown eyed chubby girl with a kind heart and horrible sense of fashion. She had a quiet voice and a sunny disposition, loved everything nerdy and would not – could not – take no as an answer.

The day started like any other, she went to her morning classes, had lunch in the campus cafeteria, had an unhealthy amount of coffee and then Jackie went to the library after afternoon classes and sat in her hidden corner, near the engineering section and, while nibbling on a muffin and iced coffee started on her homework before researching for the project her lab was currently working on, there she would stay until it was almost eleven at night before finally going home. That’s when Olivia sat down in front of her, garish bright green cardigan horribly contrasting with her skin and the orange shirt underneath momentarily pulling her out of her work.

“Sorry,” the girl said, sheepish smile in place as she noisily spread her books, notebooks and pens around her space.

Jackie didn’t deign to answer her, choosing instead to roll her eyes and continue to read her book and annotate the more interesting and important parts in her research notebook.

“Are you an engineering major?” the girl asked after a few moments of silence after Jackie closed her book on thermodynamics.

“Yes.”

“That is so cool! You don’t see many women in that field” she exclaimed a little too loudly, earning her a ‘shh’ from Jackie and the few other students who heard her; “Sorry.”

Jackie rolled her eyes – again – but stayed quiet, opening up another book and annotating the important and interesting facts she found for further review afterwards.

“I’m a pre-med major,” the girl started, forcing Jackie to sigh and close the book, knowing the girl wouldn’t stop talking even if she didn’t respond.

Plus, Jackie could use social conversations after only talking about engineering, math and physics; Mr. and Mrs. Forman’s day-to-day or Betsy and her development since leaving Point Place the year before, and the girl seemed to want to offer it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, working towards finally getting into med school,” she explained, fingering the biology book in front of her “I always wanted to help people you know? And I could be a nurse but…”

“You wanted to prove something, right?” asked Jackie, a smirk slowly forming on her mouth.

“Yeah, how did you know?” she asked before shaking her head “Who am I kidding? Every girl around here chose these courses for those same reasons, there’s nothing to prove in being a nurse.”

“But a doctor is a men’s job.”

“Exactly. I’m Olivia,” she said, hand raised towards her “Moore, Olivia Moore.”

“Jackie Burkhart.”

“I’m on my junior year you know? And it’s so hard, classes’ made up of mostly dudes who are extremely gross. The girls are cool but-”

“Vying for the same thing that you, there isn’t enough space for all of you because of those same men and universities don’t take the same amount so-”

“We have to be the best, always, and we can’t all be the best. Therefore we all hate each other even though we’re all really proud of where we managed to get.”

They shared a laugh, bitter and tired but, it was a laugh – and Jackie hadn’t had one of those, unless pried from one Kitty Forman, in a long time.

“Academic life sucks.”

“I think life sucks in general,” Jackie said back, clicking her pen non-stop “But at least we’re not at home, crying.”

“Yeah we’re just deteriorating our social lives and mental wellbeing in order to prove something to someone who probably doesn’t even care or worse, to ourselves which is just,” Olivia stopped for a bit, carding her hand through her blonde hair “_So_ depressing.”

Jackie laughed again, putting her head on the back of her chair and sighing again “It is depressing,” she said, putting her hands on her head in exasperation “Oh God, our lives suck.”

Olivia laughed and looked down to her biology book before returning her small almond colored orbs to Jackie “Thanks, I hm, I really needed this.”

“I think I did too.”

Jackie thought that would be the end of it, they each finished their studies and went their way; Jackie to her apartment and Olivia to her dorm. But the next day Olivia was there again, this time her golden hair in a messy bun and she used a blue oversized sweater, her backpack overflowing with books and, in her hand, two cups of coffee.

“Hi,” she said, smile shy, as if waiting for confirmation that she could sit down.

Jackie wanted to say no, tell her off, mock her and make sure Olivia would never want to look her in the eye again; after all the heartbreak and fake friendships and people who left her Jackie wanted to say no. She wanted to be the one who left first, not the one left behind with only a broken heart and injured soul. The last time that happened, when Donna said she didn’t know why she was her friend, it felt as if her very soul was on fire, burning away at her lungs, preventing the air from coming inside and letting her breathe. She really, really wanted to say no.

So she said yes.

###

Life with Olivia was fun; the two girls – who only had ambition and incredibly judgmental opinions on everyone who wasn’t them in common – found that friendship was easy when one didn’t expect the world in return. They would meet, every day, at the library after afternoon classes, taking turns to who would bring coffee and snacks, and they would talk about their classes and the people who annoyed them, their classmates and – in Olivia’s case – roommates who were obnoxious.

It was in a cold early December night, when the power in the library went out and they were stuck together with no way to keep studying. Olivia had a bottle of cheap booze inside her purse.

“Really?” Jackie asked, perfectly manicured brow raised.

“Friday night Jackie, after here Teddy and I promised to get wasted and quiz each other for upcoming tests.”

“You hate Teddy.”

“Sober Teddy, drunken Teddy is the most amazing human being on planet earth.”

They both laughed and Jackie nodded, taking off her low heels and dark purple cashmere jacket before sitting Indian style in her chair, “Well, open it.”

That’s when their life stories started to come out.

Olivia was born in Brooklyn; she came from a poor family and was the youngest of three. Her mother was a drug addict who died from an overdose when she was four, after that her oldest sibling – Amy – raised her and took care of their father, a construction officer with a heart condition.

“That’s when I decided you know that I wanted to be a doctor. Save people like my dad, prevent people from becoming like my mom.”

“That’s honorable,” answered Jackie after taking a swig of the awful liquid “I just wanted to escape, until everything went south I was content to just coast on by my pretty face.”

“You do have a really pretty face,” said Olivia, taking the bottle from Jackie once again.

“I know!” the girl said, a dazzling smile on her face “Thanks though, haven’t heard that from someone who didn’t want to get in my pants in a while.”

“How’d you know I don’t want to get in your pants?”

“Do you?” she asked “Want to get in my pants?”

There was a silence between them, Jackie had the bottle – that by now was reaching its middle – and Olivia looked her up and down before sighing.

“I like girls.”

Jackie didn’t respond, only passed on the bottle and grabbed the girl’s hand. Then she told her all the crap in her life.

That’s when they truly became friends.

###

The day after Jackie went to Olivia's dorm room and knocked on her door, only to have Teddy, a tall and dark skinned woman dressed in a men’s shirt and nothing else, open the door.

“Who are you?” she asked, hands crossed on her chest.

“Jackie, I’m friends with Olivia.”

“Oh, you’re the reason she had no booze when she came home?”

The woman glared at her and Jackie shrugged.

She tsc’d before opening the door further and gesturing her in “She said she told you and you weren’t an ass, that evens out my lack of booze yesterday. Welcome to the crazy bitches club.”

###

The crazy bitches club was something completely different than what Jackie thought it was. They basically continued doing their usual routine, classes and library, but now they had lunch every day – with the addition of Teddy – and every Friday night they watched a Disney classic, got drunk on cheap booze and quizzed each other on the subjects they were currently studying. Teddy however provided an additional change in their routine; she made them both promise weekends were forbidden territory – no school, no studying and no talking about studying.

“So what do you wanna do on the weekends?” asked Jackie from her place in one of the luxurious couches on her living room.

“Have fun you weirdos,” she answered while on the opposite side of the same beige couch “What do you do when you’re on vacation or there’s no school?”

“I work on my research,” Jackie answered “God I feel like such a loser, I had such an active social life before dad went to jail.”

“Well,” Jackie continued “Before I was constantly cheated on and got left behind by my friends.”

“I’ve been working since I was ten, didn’t have time to actually have much fun” Olivia said from one of the two green, gold and beige armchairs.

“Oh wow, okay, when people look up the definition of depressing in a dictionary a picture with you two will show up,” snorted the taller girl.

“Asshole!” exclaimed Jackie while Olivia simply rolled her eyes and chucked the matching pillow at the taller girl’s head.

“Hey!”

They spent the next half an hour in an embarrassing pillow fight before Teddy finally stopped them all “Okay okay, enough. Jesus.”

“You just want to stop because you lost,” giggled Olivia, now also sitting on the couch.

“It’s a pillow fight!”

“Yeah, that you lost,” laughed Jackie, smoothing out her hair.

###

A week later she got a call, out of state and – although it was something that she expected, after all Mr. and Mrs. Forman always called every two weeks and they didn’t the week before – she was surprised to see who was on the other line.

“Jackie? It’s, hm, it’s Eric.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I decided I actually shipped EricxJackie and that maybe I'll explore it but StevenxJackie is also something near and dear to my heart so IDK my dudes you tell me if you have any preference because an endgame of either would be good for me...
> 
> THAT BEING SAID  
Thank you so much for all the kudos it made me feel very extremely loved and I loved feeling loved because I D-E-S-E-R-V-E I-T  
Also, I'm truly sorry for the delay college's a bitch and I go to two of them.  
Also also, I don't own That 70's Show or Columbia or anything that actually exists in the real world besides my mental health issues. Kisses.

As soon as he hung up the phone, Eric took to pacing around his parents kitchen, tanned arms behind his head as he pondered their next move; about his father stay at the hospital and the money they didn’t have for it, about his mother slowly losing her mind over his health and her inability to do anything about it and about the rest of their family and the way they seemed to be falling apart before his very eyes in a continuous loop since he returned from Africa.

How did everything get so messed up?

It was fine, he was fine and they were fine. After Eric got back from Namibia things were a bit rough, he and Donna didn’t get back together as he thought they would, they barely even talk actually and when they did the shouting could be heard by both their parents; Hyde wasn’t the brother he left behind, Kelso had gone to Chicago and Brooke, Fez was in a country-wide road trip with none other than Buddy Morgan and his sister was once again gone.

Nevertheless, once the fall of 1980 came he started college, was in his first semester of a four year undergraduate program for history in UW-M and he liked it – loved it even. During the spring and summer before it he worked in the rebuilding of the old middle school that burned down when he was a kid, worked on getting his head back to America and away from his year in Namibia. The memories of the sun beating down his face, gaunt children turned war hardened soldiers, guns going off in the middle of the night and the smiles of those who are just happy to live and learn something new that plagued his thoughts and made his heart clench with pain and longing.

Shaking his head Eric cleared his thoughts of the faraway place and the _many _problems his weird little family faced and messed up his still sun bleached hair before biting the bullet and going up the stairs to his parents’ room, hand tightly holding onto the railing to ground himself.

“I called her,” he said, “Jackie, I mean. She’s coming as soon as she puts everything in order in New York.”

“Oh, Steven won’t like that.”

“Ah, who cares what he thinks,” Eric said, bumping his shoulder to her’s and trying to make her laugh or smile or react in anyway.

She did, a small chuckle that definitely didn’t reach the boisterous nature of her usual ones but that made his chest bloom with love anyway before a sigh escaped her lips, “Thank you darling, I really want us all together right now.”

“Then that’s what you shall have. Everything packed?”

“Yes, but,” she stopped, eyed shut tight as a way to stop the overflow of emotions threatening to spill out of her very being “Can we stay, just for a few moments?”

“Whatever you want, mom.”

###

They stood in that room, hands joined and army bag by their side, before Kitty cleared her throat and the two piled unto the Vista Cruiser to make their way to the Kenosha Medical Center.

The ride was silent, Kitty looked out the window, her mind wandering to places unknown while her son only thought about money – money for his father’s stay at the hospital, for the bills while his mother didn’t work to be by his father’s side, for the procedures and exams needed done. Money that was important and that they did not have.

It was enough to make him want to smoke all the cigarettes in his mother’s purse.

“Is Steven still with him?”

“Yeah, he’s staying until we get there,” Eric answered, eyes still locked on the road “I think Randy’s manning the store until then and Donna and Bob have Laurie.”

“Good, good.”

He stopped the car in the parking lot, reaching behind his seat to get their bags before taking his mother’s hand. “Ready?”

“No,” she whimpered, hand clutching his tightly “But I need to see him.”

“Then let’s see dad.”

###

The two men stood against the walls in the back of the hospital, where the outdoor parking garage stood with its blue folders and the sun beat down weakly down upon them, each with a cigarette in their mouths. Eric felt himself reek with nerves, heart in his throat and hands shaking with the knowledge he’d have to tell his best friend about his ex-girlfriend coming back into town to stay with his parents.

It was a dangerous situation; Hyde had always been unstable with his emotions, stoic and closed off until things got a little too much and then he’d blow up at anyone and everyone with no regard for their feelings or actual culpability. That had always been the case but since he and Jackie broke up, since Samantha coined him and Jackie left without a good bye or an address to anyone but the Forman’s it got worse.

So much worse.

If this was before Namibia, before Eric realized the world didn’t revolve around his basement and love life, before he went off on his own and had to learn how to be a functioning member of society, before he had to actually touch a gun and protect people and _teach _people he would’ve known how to deal with the situation – what to say and how to say it and maybe even how to fix all the mess they made. But he wasn’t so he didn’t and he had to learn that that was okay – his whole family had to learn that was okay.

“Spill it Forman,” the irritated man ground out, cigarette in hand and sunglasses on his forehead.

Eric smiled at the fact that still, after everything that happened and their less than close current friendship, Hyde could still read him – or at least the parts of him that remained unchanged from his trip to Namibia – as if Eric was a part of him.

“I called Jackie,” he said, “She’s coming home.”

“Home?” Hyde asked, sardonic smile on his face as he threw his cigarette on the floor “And that would be where?”

“For her? Anywhere where you and Donna aren’t.”

"Then why the fuck is she coming here?”

“Because I asked, because she loves my – our – parents enough to come back to the place where everyone was a dick to her to stay by their side,” Eric said, voice not rising and hands not shaking as much once images of smiling children and fields of vegetation appeared in his mind, “Look, you don’t have to like it, you just have to act like a grown adult and be civil about it.”

“She left. She left your – our – parents, she left the whole gang and you never liked her so why are you defending her?”

“I’m not, okay?” Eric said while rolling his eyes, he understood Hyde, he really did, their relationship ended horribly and after that there was no closure – just angry and cruel words while both their times were wasted and his brother ended up sad, angry and more screwed up than any of them thought possible.

“Then why did you call her?” Hyde exclaimed, fury clear in his voice, “You’re my best friend and you know that I,” he stopped, head hung low and humorless chuckle escaping from his lips before his voice took on a defeat tone “I can’t face her, okay man? I’m a mess, my life is a mess and seeing her is definitely not what I need or can handle right now.”

Eric sighed, “I know,” he said, getting close to his brother and putting his hand on his shoulder “I know that and I’m proud of what you’re doing to, you know, not be such a mess,” they laughed.

“Yeah, Red really loved when I moved out.”

“And we all cheered when you got sober.”

They both laughed, Hyde’s pink chip burning inside his jeans back pocket as he remembered the look on all their faces once he brought back home the one-month sobriety coin and the lease on the studio apartment above Grooves.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Eric said, “We all are.”

“Yeah,” Hyde answered, hand clutching his brother’s for a second before lightly hitting his head on the concreate wall “Well she was always his favorite.”

“Yup,” Eric complemented, popping the ‘P’ and chuckling “Still is.”

###

Three days passed by painstakingly slow; Kitty kept vigil by her husband’s bedside unless one of her kids dragged her away to take a shower and a have full meal, Eric and Hyde took turns checking up on her and Laurie and working to pay for the piling medical bills while Donna made sure Laurie made it to her own doctor’s appointments.

“Laurie we have to go!” the once again red head shouted from the Pinciotti’s front door, already irritated with the blonde.

The blonde in question huffed before slowly walking down the stairs, her sore and bloated feet forcing her to take measured steps all the while trying to make her flowy cardigan sit properly across her stretched stomach. “I’m going sasquatch. Calm down.”

“I am calm!”

“Yeah you sure look it,” Laurie answered, rolling her eyes at the incensed look upon the taller girl’s face.

“You know I don’t have to keep babysitting you. I have better things to do.”

“Yeah, like what?” she asked with sarcasm dropping from her voice as the two made their way to the Pinciotti family car.

They sat down in the car, Laurie looking at Donna as if waiting for an answer while the redhead simply started the car and said, “Shut the fuck up.”

“I mean I would but,” Laurie started “You’re so easy to rail up its funny.”

Donna said nothing, her thin patience already wasted by the three days she had to spend with the unusually cruel woman who seemed to be on a roll as soon as she found Donna still living with her parents and discovered everything that happened from her failed engagement to not going to college and Eric and Jackie literally running away from her. It wasn’t pretty.

“I’m still the only person looking after you and I could just drop you on the curb.”

“Yeah right, and provoke the wrath of Kitty Forman?” asked the woman with a laugh “I’d like to see that you big oaf.”

“God you get meaner with age,” started Donna “How is that even possible?”

“It’s a gift that keeps getting fine-tuned. Plus pregnancy hormones, they make me wanna tear everyone’s faces off.”

Donna didn’t answer, eyes glued to the icy road as she tried to keep her insults out of her mind and heart. It used to be easy to do so when she was younger and full of hope for her future but then everything seemed to crumble beneath her feet and she didn’t know who she was but a hot girl who liked rock music and had a radio show, all the while life went on and her friends either got away from their sleepy town or made peace with it.

She, however, didn’t.

It tore at her heart, all the mistakes she made that she couldn’t – or wouldn’t – take back, all the failed relationships and all the broken friendships and the deep sense of accomplishing absolutely nothing more of life than being a voice on a small town radio show. Still she kept her head up, or tried to anyway, and made her way through life one-step at a time, trying to – at once – going back to her roots and figuring out who Donna Pinciotti could be in the new decade.

###

Eric stood near the main gate, hands in the pocket of his jeans as he waited for the petit brunette known to him as the devil herself to come through, back like an avalanche in their lives after everything that happened in 1979.

She was the last one of them to get to Point Place, Buddy and Fez having arrived the day prior with hugs and promises to visit both Red and Laurie before going to pick up the Kelso’s in Chicago that same day. His mother seemed lighter once Betsy was in the room, the bubbly sound of the almost two year old filling the silent room with laughter and happiness.

It was a beautiful change.

He knew it was Jackie as soon as he laid eyes on her. Her dark hair coiled in perfect curls and new bangs perfectly framing her large eyes, high-rise jeans hugging her figure as an expensive looking purple sweater hid the stark white dress shirt that demanded the attention of the small Kenosha airport. An airport employee trailed behind her, eyes glued to her form as she purposely walked in his general direction, high-heeled boots clicking loudly on the clear floor.

Eric raised his hand to get her attention, noting with a certain smugness how her eyes widened for a second in surprise. She wasn’t, after all, the only one who changed during the two years they hadn’t seen each other.

And Eric had changed. A year in a faraway country with no one he knew and shared his experiences and way of life was bound to change him, throw in a country in war, having to learn a whole new language and having to do more manual labor than ever in his whole sheltered his whole demeanor and appearance changed and the tiny girl rapidly approaching him had no time to deal with it.

Jackie also looked different, head held higher than he remembered and no dazzling – she only knew that type – smile in place. The girl who once had an aura of ‘I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. Look at me!’ now fiercely oozed ‘Don’t fuck with me’ with every stride of her jean covered legs.

The fact that they had been a part for such a long time – and having never really expressed their friendship in public, or at all – was the reason, the boy guessed, that he was not prepared at all for the full bodied hug Jackie threw his way.

“Hi,” she breathily said near his ear.

She smelled sweet.

“Hi.”

“Take me to your parents Eric.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello, happy hollidays from a very tired college student!
> 
> Good news: I'm free until february/march so yayy more chapters in less ridiculous spaced time.
> 
> Bad news: I'm soooo tired from school I might just sleep until them.
> 
> Enjoy! I own nothing but original characters and this particular plot. I hope you all like this and that you ate a lot in this holliday

Eric and Jackie didn’t talk on the way to the hospital, each one absorbed by their own thoughts and anxieties over the whole situation.

He hoped everything would just go without anyone making a scene in the hospital while Jackie only hoped she wouldn’t end up crying in public. The two of them thought their hopes were somehow asking for too much.

They were right.

###

The hospital door was closed, the only noises escaping the room being the beeping of the machines and the murmuring of low voices while the two figures stood in front of it.

Jackie felt her heart beating errantly in her chest, fast and irregular all the while her hands shook and chills went up and down her arms. She couldn’t breathe. She tried, pulling the air from her nose as Teddy taught her but it didn’t work. Nothing worked as she tried to breathe, tried to put her foot in front of the other and walk to the door but they didn’t. She didn’t.

“Jackie,” Eric hesitantly said, having noticed the change in demeanor of the girl “You okay?”

“I,” she started, hands contorting together as she stopped for a moment to get some air inside her lungs “I can’t. I’m sorry, I just. I can’t.”

Eric could see the tears in her eyes, the fast rise and fall of her chest and the way her eyes darted all around them like a wounded animal looking for escape.

“C’mon.”

“I.”

“Shut up and come with me.”

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her along with him as her breathing continued to fail her and tears streamed down her face. Eric opened up a door to a storage room and closed right behind them.

“Look I need you to focus alright?” the man said, hands roughly cupping her face so she could stare at him.

She couldn’t focus. Not right then, all she could do was try not to pass out from the panic coursing through her veins. She made a mistake, how could she think that she could face them, any of them, after running away like a coward and not making contact for a year. How did she ever think she could come back and be in the same room with those people who made her life actual hell, made her think she was worth nothing – that she _was _nothing – for such a long time the belief became fact in her mind.

How could she face the only man who had always believed in her, who had given her the tools to do and be better, her inspiration and aspiration that now laid unmoving in a hospital bed; the love of his life probably there with him, soul bare and heart in hand, ready to cut it in half if it only meant he would be okay.

She couldn’t. Jackie couldn’t, she was a coward and she needed to go home. She needed – wanted – her friends and their sweet words and silent understanding. She needed to be anywhere that _wasn’t_ Point Place.

And then Eric took her hands and put it in his chest, “Breathe with me, okay? You gotta breathe with me.”

He looked straight to her eyes, green orbs calm in the face of her wild panic and hands steadily running up and down from her hands to elbows, mouth parted to allow air in as he gently coaxed her into mimicking him.

“I was a mess when mom called me,” he started, voice soothing in the avalanche inside her head “It was like the floor opened up and I had no place to hold me up, I cried so hard – while behind the wheel which, y’know, not safe.”

She managed to chuckle at his feeble attempt, “Had a panic attack right here in this room, thought I was gonna die. The only think that pulled me together was knowing that if dad found out that’s how I died he would bring me back just to put his foot up my ass.”

“I did not want that experience.”

This time he chuckled, “My first real panic attack was in Namibia, I was teaching in a little village school, kids were great y’know? Really wanted to learn and ironically really wanted to teach me,” at her confused and still panicked stare he smiled, “Their customs, language, history. It’s what actually made me want to study it once I came back home.”

“Anyway, we were in the middle of a math lesson when suddenly I hear a car coming in our direction. Some men were shouting in a language I didn’t know how to speak and they waved guns that I’d only seen on dad’s pictures from the army and I panicked.”

Eric sighed before closing his eyes and continuing; now noticing her breathing pattern had slowed down “They wanted to know if there were any insurgents or communists in the village.”

“Were there?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

He stopped, grabbed her hands and put them at her sides, “You here?”

“Think so.”

“Great, then let’s go.”

###

The talking stopped once they entered the room; Donna, Steven and Mrs. Forman looking at her, one like she was a ghost, one like she would very much love to put her head inside her leg and the other as if she were a breath of fresh air. Betsy was in his lap, tiny hands holding him as she pushed herself up and down on his legs while her mother stood by the window, head on Michael’s shoulder and Fez by his side, hands tightly wound around Buddy’s while he looked at her, smile large in his face.

“Yackie,” the toddler said, in one move letting go of her godfather’s hands and pushing herself off his lap.

“Oof,” the man commented, quickly grabbing her before she plummeted to the floor.

“Hi,” she said, hand waiving in the general direction of everyone in the small room, “Why do I get a sense we’re breaking rules by having this many people in the room?”

“We are,” Mrs. Forman smiled before getting up from her chair and motioned them in, “Which is why you’re getting in here and closing the door okay? Yes.”

They did, and the older woman took no time in coming in for a hug. Jackie held on to her tightly, head coming up to her neck and tucking in it, lightly swaying them both side to side. “I got you Mrs. Forman, I got you.”

She felt the woman go down, hands tight around Jackie’s back while a sob made its way through her throat.

“Eric.”

“Huh,” he said, looking at them with panicked eyes.

“Get out,” she mouthed, feeling the rapid respiration of the woman who so often held them all up in times of crises.

He nodded before making everyone slowly clear the room.

That’s when Kitty broke.

“I got you,” Jackie whispered again, going down with the older woman as her knees gave out and her sobs got louder.

###

Steven and the others stood outside, silent as they heard the increasingly loud sobs of the woman they all considered – to some extent – their mother. It tore right through the heart he denied he had.

He could really go for a smoke right about then.

Betsy made a noise of discontent in his arms and Brooke got her from his arms, “It’s getting to lunch time,” the older woman said with a hesitant smile, “So she’s a little fussy.”

She looked at them, “Why don’t we go to the cafeteria? That way we can all eat and those two can have more of a private moment.”

Donna got up from her place beside Buddy, hands going to the hemline of her cable knit sweater, “Yeah, we should go. Mrs. Forman deserves that.”

They all nodded and made their way out of the corridor of the hospital and towards their cafeteria. All the while, all he could think about was the woman who entered the hospital door and promptly turned his life upside down.

How in the holy hell did Jackie even do that in less than two minutes?

She got inside the hospital room, eyes red with tears and bangs – when did she get bangs? Why the fuck did she look good in them? – and form fitting jeans with the expensive looking purple sweater and the obviously guy’s dress shirt underneath it.

Fuck, she looked good.

How did she look so good when he felt like an absolute hobo?

Steven had never seen Kitty Forman cry like that. It broke his heart in such a way he didn’t think it was possible – he didn’t even think he still had a heart to break after everything with his mom and Bud and Jackie and Sam. It hurt, physically, and it made him want to go find some glue to put it all back together again.

Maybe with strong enough glue none of them would feel so shitty.

The government probably had strong enough glue, they were just hiding it so everyone would feel shitty and hopeless and would continue feeding the machine. It was the same as the car that ran on water.


	4. Chapter Four

It took some time but Jackie and Mrs. Forman finally managed to leave the floor and arrive at the tiny blue couch by the closed window of the room, silence between them as the machines beeped and Kitty sniffled.

“Oh,” she said quietly, almost hoarse from all the crying, “I did not see that coming,”

A laugh, hollow and humorless as Jackie encircled the woman in her arms and used her hands to put some warmth in her sweater-covered arms. She kissed her forehead, “You better?”

“Some,” Kitty answered truthfully, “I hadn’t cried since-”

“I get it,” Jackie said, right hand going to somewhat smooth the older woman’s hair, “You’ve been the pillar for everyone while Mr. Forman was yours, now you have to hold up us and you.”

Mrs. Forman’s eyes filled with tears again, “I’m tired,” she said, “I’m so, so tired. And they try, God knows they try – Donna’s been on Laurie duty and Steven and Eric have been taken care of the house and bills – but I, I’m so tired.”

She started crying again, and this time Jackie couldn’t help but quietly cry with her.

It was so sad, seeing these two pillars of strength so destabilized. Mr. Forman didn’t even seem like himself, all wrapped in wires and machines, he looked gaunt, pale, and skinny; he looked small and vulnerable and he was a man who didn’t deserve to look like so while Mrs. Forman looked haggard, she said she was tired and she looked it. The older woman had bags under her eyes Jackie was sure not even her best concealer could hide; she also looked skinnier than she remembered and more pale than Donna usually was on winter.

All in all, it was a horrifying sight she wanted to fix.

However, they weren’t cars; they weren’t a math or physics problem. The issue wouldn’t be resolved if she barged her way into a lab and wow-ed some stuffy professors. They were people, and they were hurting and Jackie had no idea what to do.

###

They went back to Red’s room, minus the Kelsos since Betsy needed a nap and they needed to put their belongings in Fez and Buddy’s new apartment downtown. Jackie sat on the couch, expensive sweater on her lap as a ball and a blonde blob of hair attached to Kitty Forman laid on top of it, eyes closed as the younger girl’s long nails calmly raked over her curls.

She looked at them as soon as their heads popped in, index finger to the mouth to warn them to be silent.

They all nodded and entered the room, quietly and quickly, and took up their previous positions with Eric coming to check on his mother.

“How is she?” he asked, concerned eyes never leaving the frowning brows of his mother.

“She’s tired,” the girl answered, voice soothing and hoarse, “I would imagine it’s hard seeing the love of your life like this. It hurts me and I’m just the annoying rich girl his son hated.”

“Oh, please,” Donna snorted softly, a small smile on her face, “We all know you’re his favorite.”

“That is true Jackie,” Fez said, his accent softer now, hand still holding Buddy’s, “Mr. Forman always said you were the only one useful of us.”

She laughed, quietly, before looking over the man and swallowing, “Well he has great taste.”

“And I was the only useful one.”

###

Jackie looked at the people she’d known all her life and she asked herself, what happened?

They were good friends once, laughing and helping the other grow and move along in life; of course there were fights and disagreements and break ups – _so many break ups_ – but they were still friends, they still supported each other through everything even when one of them was being ridiculous or demanding or unreasonable.

But that changed, and she didn’t know why.

Well, actually she did. Life happened, life barged in on their door when they were far from ready and instead of strengthening their foundations and supporting each other, they focused on their failings. Instead of friendship that could weather the worst of storms they were the group of people that hung out because,_ why not? They had nothing better to do_; instead of friendly banter and burns, they all wanted to hurt the other and prove beyond any doubt that they weren’t the only ones going through hell.

All their lives were falling apart and instead of pulling their shit together, they decided to be horrible people and sink their futures, their friendships and their spirits as if that was what they were supposed to do in adversity.

For the last two years of her life all Jackie wanted to do was forget they’d ever been a part of her life, forget the basement and the memories – the full hugs from her favorite lumberjack, the sleepovers with Fez, the feel of Steven’s hands in hers, the burns from Eric and the simple understanding of Michael. But, being in that hospital with them, Mrs. Forman head on her lap and the small banter about her being Red’s favorite made her want it all back.

The memories, the friendship. The home they occupied in her heart, the space they so snugly shared that now felt like a void inside her chest; Jackie wanted them back, in whatever form she could get.

She wanted it so bad she thought she would explode.

The way Donna smiled at her made her think that maybe, just perhaps, she wasn’t the only one.

###

They sat together in the hospital café the next morning, Brooke and Buddy had taken on ‘Red duty’ with Betsy while ‘the gang’ and Mrs. Forman went for a late breakfast. Jackie greedily drank her second mug of coffee while Kitty nursed her first, the woman’s sharp motherly eyes going through the younger girl’s exhausted state faster than the girl in question could ask for another cup.

“Late night?” she asked innocently, drawing the attention of the rest of the group who, up until then only sat in silence and quietly ate their food.

“Yeah,” Jackie answered almost guiltily, hands going to the sleeves of her oversized red pullover dress.

“Doing,” the older woman prompted.

Jackie wanted to deflect, badly, in the presence of the other people at their table. But Mrs. Forman looked filled with life, worrying about something lighter than her husband’s life and Jackie couldn’t deny the mother she found in the kind woman, so, sighing she answered, “I had a lot of research to do, can’t fall behind or they’ll kick me out with no mercy.”

“Ah, I see,” the concern in her eyes almost made Jackie burst into tears, “I thought professor Whitman was the one you liked?”

“He is, but he is an incredible perfectionist and not even the second coming of Jesus Christ could deter him from research so.”

Kitty chuckled, “I can see why you like him so much, how he took you leaving to come here?”

“Well, he threw a hissy fit,” Jackie rolled her eyes, “But I told him I wouldn’t fall behind and he conceded.”

They stood in silence for a moment before Jackie heard a sigh and, “What’s the research about?”

She looked at the raspy voice that asked, Donna. The smile that lit Jackie’s face could honestly permanently damage it but she didn’t care, she saw that question for what it truly was, an olive branch.

An olive branch that Jackie was definitely taking.

“Right now is all theory, he is a physics professor working with various students in different fields so the research is a bit all over the place,” she started, “but my part, well the mech part, is basically a research in how to better our use of fossil fuel – or, and that is what I’m more interested in, how other alternative fuels could be used – in space travels.”

They all looked at her with puzzled faces, making Jackie flush and feel all her enthusiasm leave her as she fiddled with the cowl neck of her dress, “It’s a combined effort with NASA.”

“You’re doing research for The Man, man?” Steven asked, disbelief coloring his voice and a smirk pulling on his mouth.

She couldn’t help the snort that left her mouth, not when he wasn’t wearing glasses and his eyes were earnest and there was no malice in his words. He wasn’t accusing her of anything, he wasn’t condemning her or making her feel like shit.

It was just a friend that clearly didn’t understand her work, making a joke to let her know that, although they don’t understand her research they are proud of it.

They all laughed and she answered, “Yup, next up: car that runs on water.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my angels, this late - in my corner of the huge country I live in it's currently 2:21 a.m. - update is brought to you by me being sad after tgp ended and me hoping the cast will get jobs in other productions - together - quickly.
> 
> ANyways your feedback to this is fucking amazing and I love you guys. I hope you enjoy.

“Do you think I’m crazy?,” Jackie asked into the phone clutched between her shoulder and ear, hands tightly holding the ice cream pint as she watched a rerun of M*A*S*H on the tv of her hotel room.

“Only you can say that babe,” she heard Olivia’s voice from the other side, the sound muffled from the pizza she and Teddy shared.

Jackie might have been in another state in a dire family emergency but that would not stop The Crazy Bitches Club from eating junk and watching M*A*S*H every Friday night.

“Not helping, put Teddy on.”

“I resent that,” the blonde girl huffed, “Look, after everything the assholes did to you, you wanting their friendship back is just a testament to truly how forgiving you are – although I wouldn’t tell anyone that, your credibility as an ice cold bitch keep the creeps away.”

Jackie laughed. God how she missed her friends, her _true_ understanding, amazing friends.

She wished she were with them.

“I,” Olivia stopped, “_We,_” she continued and Jackie could feel her eye roll from her mildly uncomfortable seat on the couch, “just think you should be careful. An asshole will always be an asshole if you just accept their asshole-ishness.”

“You said those words so many times I don’t think it has meaning anymore.”

“Our meaning,” sighed Teddy as she stole the phone from the shorter girl, “is that we love you and accept your wishes, but we don’t want to see you hurt – again – because of these people – again.”

“And maybe,” the dark skinned beauty continued, “The reason you want them back is because of the reason you returned. Sweets, think about it – maybe they want to have them back in your life is because you want normalcy back after seeing the man you see as a father in such a state.”

She was silent so Teddy continued, “Maybe what you’re craving right now is going back to a time where he was healthy and you were all happy – together. But sweets that time is gone and passed, if you go back to it than all this – New York, college – will be for naught.”

Jackie didn’t speak for a few moments, “You’re gonna be such a great therapist.”

“Psychologist but close enough.”

“Babe,” Olivia took to the phone again, “What we’re saying is: be careful, if you think you truly want-need- them in your life than fine, we’ll oblige. But make rules, make it clear where you stand and that what they did to you before – that cannot happen again.”

“They can’t mess you up anymore,” she went on, “Not if you don’t let them.”

“Okay,” she heard Teddy loudly proclaim, “M*A*S*H now, please!”

Jackie laughed at the girl’s clear – and not subtle – change of subject and tried to clear her head of her old, awful friends as she enjoyed the sweet and unproblematic help, guidance and unconditional support from her new ones.

They laughed horribly while watching the show, each girl putting forth her own spin on the episode and commenting on everything – their dialogue, the clothes the characters were and even if the guests could become something more.

She lost herself so much in their fun that she almost didn’t notice the harsh and hesitant knock at her door.

“Girls there’s someone at my door, so I’ll call you later.”

“Okay babe, good night!” said Olivia as Teddy yelled, “Don’t die sweets!”

“Good night, peaches,” she said before rolling her eyes, “If I do make sure to cry lots at my funeral, honey.”

She put the phone down and quickly donned her robe – one that she very much stole from Teddy – before adjusting her pink fuzzy socks, swiping the ice cream mess from her mouth and getting up from the bed. Her head was still reeling from all the – actually useful – information she received from her two friends and she idly wondered how she got so lucky to escape such a toxic environment and land in one so accepting it almost made her teeth ache.

Oh well, maybe it was God giving her a break.

She opened the door.

“Hey Jackie,” said the gruff and hesitant voice of her ex-boyfriend, his denim covered arms tightly wrapped around himself; “Can we talk?”

Break’s over.

###

Eric’ head ached from his lack of sleep. For the last week or so, he could pretend everything was normal; sure his sister was back – and pregnant – and his father was in a coma – again: sister, pregnant – but things were still normal. Ish. Normal-ish.

But then Jackie entered the hospital room and suddenly his mother was sobbing and Hyde looked as if he would follow and Donna almost seemed nice and his head would blow up at any moment.

He felt as if he was drowning, he couldn’t breathe because if he did than all the water would rush into his lungs and he would die but, if he didn’t take any breaths than he wouldn’t get air inside and he would die.

It was truly a lose/lose situation.

So that was how he stood in front of his best friend’s apartment – one he hadn’t been in four months after Kitty decided they needed a ‘happy new house/one moth of sobriety’ party – with soda and take out in his hands. He only hoped Hyde was home.

Eric knocked on the door gingerly, aware that it wasn’t common for them to do this but refusing the sick feeling in his stomach telling him it was a bad idea – they were best friends for God’s sake! They slept under the same roof; they called the same people mom and dad. He could do this.

Hyde opened the door with a scowl, flannel pajama set frayed around the edges and eyes sleepy.

“I brought food,” Eric stated, holding up his offering.

“Come on in Forman.”

He did.

His friend’s place was completely different from what he remembered; the tiny kitchen to his right, closed off by three walls, the rest of the apartment an open space for a makeshift office, living room and bathroom – also closed off, but with the whole four walls + door – while his bed stood atop a set of eight-step stairs, closed with a curtain of beads. It was nice. Temporary, but nice.

“What happened?”

“Why’d you think something happened?”

“Because we don’t really talk anymore Forman, and aside from one dinner four months ago I didn’t even know you knew my address.”

“Fair,” Eric sighed, “I’m fucking freaking out.”

Hyde laughed, hands brushing his messy curls while he gently shook his head, “Welcome to the club, nerd.”

Eric laughed as well, somehow knowing his brother was also freaking out making him feel better, “I just feel so useless, y’know? Dad’s stuck in the hospital – nothing I can do. Mom seems to be going with him – nothing I can do. Laurie’s pregnant – nothing I can do. Every day I wake up with those same words plastered across my brain and guess what? There’s nothing I can do.”

“All those years of wanting to be an adult, of wanting to be independent and taste the world and, you know what? I don’t want it. I want my mommy, I want my dad healthily threatening to put his foot up my ass and I don’t want to seat in a table for breakfast and not know how to act around my friends.”

He huffed.

“Every time I look at Red I wanna go to a bar,” Hyde said, quietly, “When we heard your mom the day before last. Fuck, Forman all I wanted to do was curl up with a bottle and never wake up.”

He looked at Eric, eyes hard and unmasked.

Eric noticed he’d been doing more of that lately, not hiding what he felt – instead he would rip you with the agonizing notion that Steven Hyde had feeling and the world needed to deal with it.

It was disconcerting. But Eric guessed growing up often was.

“The only reason I didn’t was,” he stopped, his throat closing up with something he wasn’t prepared to let out just yet, “Remember when you came back? We pretended nothing was wrong; I didn’t marry a stripper, didn’t ruin the one good thing in my life for nothing and you hadn’t been fucked up by what was supposed to be a learning experience.”

“We partied so hard, man,” he continued, eyes misty, “I got into so many fights – random strangers that looked like Kelso, Kelso, you.”

Eric opened his mouth, maybe to say that that was in the past – even though his hand still twitched, going to the small scar now lacing his left temple – but closed when he saw his friend’s stare.

“I was dying Eric, by my own hand. And I would’ve had you not pulled me out of that dumpster in Kenosha and forced me to rehab.”

“I didn’t go back this week,” he huffed, hands going to clean the stubborn tears that left his eyes, “Hell; I didn’t go back all these months, because of you. I didn’t want a repeat of that, punching you until we both blacked out, treating women like crap and having you force me to vomit until I could breathe properly.”

“You’re not useless Eric,” he finished, red eyes looking directly into Eric’s own, “this is just above our paygrade.”

“That was,” Eric swallowed, opening up a can of soda and gulping it down as if it were beer, “Incredibly mushy, _Steven._”

“Fuck off dickwad.”

###

Her grip on the door tightened as she looked at the man she once loved with all her being – the man who helped destroy her whole being.

“If you don’t want to,” he said, eyes earnest in making her understand that this talk – whatever it was – was _her choice_, “That’s completely okay.”

Jackie took in a deep breath, “Come in, but I do reserve the right to kick you out at any given moment.”

Steven shrugged, “That’s fair.”

He looked around her hotel room as he walked in. it wasn’t the nicest hotel she’d even been in – her family was, after all, rich and extravagant in their travels – but it was nice. There was a TV, a comfortable couch and a large bed. A table in which she could have meals in under the window and a mini bar that she had yet to touch – maybe she would after their talk.

“Look, I don’t want to be rude,” Jackie said before scrunching up her nose, “Y’know what? Fuck that. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sam and I were never married,” he said, turning towards her with a guilty expression on his face, “I know I should probably start with ‘sorry’ or something like that but I don’t really think you’ll believe me – I wouldn’t.”

He took in a deep breath, “I was a huge mess, before you left and especially after. I didn’t have my emotional punch bag anymore and I sort of freaked. A lot.”

“Emotional punch bag?”

“Therapy talk. Mandated.”

Her head went to the side, eyes curiously looking at the taller man, “I was in rehab. Admitted in June this year and released a month later, been going to group and alone therapy ever since.”

He took something from the back pocket of his jeans, a pink chip that shone harshly against the lights.

_He was sober?_ She thought, weirdly feeling proud of the man in front of her.

“Still go to meeting and all but, this wasn’t really why I wanted to talk. Or maybe it is my head’s a bit shit at this whole, discussion without pretense thing.”

“I remember.”

“Sure you do.”

“Anyway, Forman and I had a girly heart to heart,” he sighed, “I guess we’re trying to build a new something out of the ashes of our ruined friendship. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m better – I’m trying to do and be better – and if you want, if you’ll allow me.”

He stopped talking and suddenly Jackie couldn’t breathe. _What the flippitty floppitty fuck was he saying?_

“I would like to earn your forgiveness – I’m not asking for friendship, much less anything more,” He hesitated, tongue lightly wetting his lips in a nervous gesture, “Just a chance to one day have you look at me – at this whole town – and not feel disgust.”


	6. Chapter Six

Her eyes looked at Steven, trying to figure out his words as she gingerly sat down on the couch, television playing behind her. It seemed too much, Jackie never thought she would one day have Steven speak candidly to her about anything – not without an ultimatum or a forcing of her hand – and having him do so when they weren’t even together – not even friends! – was overwhelming.

What she wouldn’t do for a pause so she could freak out with her friends.

Steven stood still in front of her, as if not even he completely understood what he wanted out of the whole situation, as if he was just waiting for her to throw him out or laugh and say she didn’t believe him. Jackie wanted to do that. It was an awful realization that she actively _wanted _to hurt the obviously broken man who was trying to heal himself, one she swallowed with the burn of tears as she looked to the left.

She did believe him though. It was in his eyes, not hesitant to speak freely for the first time and unafraid of rejection; Jackie was hit the sudden understanding that she wasn’t the only one who’d grown up in their year apart.

Her mind however only seemed to latch onto one thing, “What do you mean you were never married?”

Steven laughed, surprised with the thing she was asking first, but complied with her question anyway, understanding it for what it truly was – even if Jackie herself didn’t. If he had truly changed, he would answer everything, truthfully and with no hesitancy.

“She was already married when we met,” he started, filling her in on the gruesome details of his humiliation.

He ended up sitting beside her on the couch, hands on his chin and elbows on his knee. Jackie’s mind whirred about in irritation, humiliation she still felt about the whole affair and something else, something she truly despised to feel after everything they’d put each other through – sympathy.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, an open look on her features.

Steven searched her face for any signs of deception, intensely looking at her large eyes for any pity. He didn’t find any; only saw the pain he caused and her inability to desire anything bad to happen to him.

“I’m sorry you went through that, I’m sorry she did that to you and I’m sorry you got to such a place where rehab was needed.”

A deep breath, thin hands messing with already untamed hair, “I’m proud too though.”

Steven looked at her then, as if for the first time seeing not the girl he left behind but the woman she was trying so hard to become. One who didn’t hide her compassion behind catty comments and petty arguments, who didn’t feel the need to devalue others so she could feel worthy; one that understood other’s achievements didn’t besmirch her own, only added to the multitude of who – and what – she could become if she so wished.

“And I hope you know that,” she said again, hand going to his shoulder, “I want you, all of you, back in my life so much it actually hurts.”

Jackie sighed, kept going, “It’s actually the only thing – besides the Formans – that I can think about. But it’s going to take a while.”

He nodded, “I get it.”

“Steven,” she said, tears already in her eyes, “You, Donna, this town,” she scoffed, wet and awful, “Destroyed me. Truthfully, it was the worst moments of my life. I understand that things change, people change – hell I can see we all have!”

“But I need time,” she nodded, as if only coming to terms with the words she spoke as she said them, “To forgive, to adapt and to possibly build something out of the ashes. It’s, I’m.”

She stopped.

“Hey,” he said, smile in place even as his eyes showed pain, “We fucked ourselves over a lot. I don’t want a confirmation or a promise or anything, I just wanted to let you know this is how I feel – you deserved that after years of having to put your foot down.”

She laughed, nodding along, “I need to think,” she said, earnestly looking at the man she once thought was the love of her life, “Create some boundaries – you should too – and then take it one step at a time. The slate can’t be all erased but maybe we can try and relearn friendship, all of us.”

“No tabula rasa but something else huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You got wiser.”

“You got open.”

###

“So, you wanna tell me you two went to New York and didn’t even have the decency to come and see me?”

“We didn’t know where you lived!” exclaimed Buddy, laughter on his expression at the incredulous expression on the younger girl’s face.

“Bullshit, you’re rich you could’ve found out,” she answered, picking up the chips from one of the bowls and dunking it on the guacamole beside it, “Plus I’m living in mama Beulah’s old apartment.”

He looked at her in confusion, Jackie rolled her eyes and his own widened in realization.

Soon the two were laughing again, making Fez incredibly confused. Buddy lightly touched his hand before joining both of his in the island counter, “When we were younger are families were good friends, they even thought we could be a good match.”

“Yeah, rich people don’t really understand the concept of organic romantic relationships,” quipped Jackie before shrugging and continuing, “Or the concept of being gay.”

Buddy laughed again, a slightly hollow one that prompted his boyfriend to cover his hands with his darker ones, “Anyway,” he said sending Fez a smile, “We tended to take trips together, mama Beulah was the only adult that actually knew about my sexuality – she knew before I did, I think.”

The boy looked at Jackie, as if seeking confirmation, “Probably,” she shrugged, “She was Romani and rumor has it she had dreams that came true.”

“You believe it?” asked Fez.

Jackie looked down for a moment, hands nervously twisting against each other, “Before dad went to jail she called, maybe three days before y’know? She said: Be careful, be strong, take care – you will be okay in the end.”

Fez smiled at her, squeezed her hands and turned, “Anyway after that we stopped in Washington for Pride. It was nice, we made lots of friends.”

“I punched some racists, so it was doubly fun.”

They all laughed again, “God I missed you two.”

“We are rather amazing my goddess,” said Fez, “And I missed you too. I’m sorry I was so in my own head I didn’t notice you were suffering.”

Jackie’s smile lost its brightness, leather jacket covered arm going to her neck in a nervous habit she picked up from Teddy, “its fine, you were suffering too – I didn’t see it either.”

Buddy nodded, hummed before saying in a serious expression, “It’s almost as if everyone has issues other people don’t know about.”

“Fuck you” said Jackie, lips pursed in an attempt to not laugh, “Like seriously.”

“Only if I can watch,” Fez quipped; his smile amused and eyes hungry.

To anyone else that would be considered a joke. Jackie and Buddy, knowing their friend and boyfriend as they did knew how serious the darker skinned man actually was – the only reasonable response, then, was to throw food at his face as they booed and laughed at his ridiculous proposition.

###

The skies were infinitely blue when Donna arrived at the hospital, the perpetual thorn at her side with her as they nimbly maneuvered between the other pregnant women on the lobby. That was until she saw the again-familiar figure of a midget-sized fashionista with a smirk and a book in her hands.

“Jackie? Hey,” she said awkwardly, eyes fluttering to the pregnant woman by her side as she wondered what would be her reaction.

“Hi,” she said, glossy lips forming a hesitant smile, “Heard you were on Laurie-duty and thought you could use some company. She’s a handful without the hormones so I can only imagine the nightmare she must be now.”

The woman in question scoffed, “I’m standing right here y’know?”

“Yes, I’m not blind,” Jackie answered with a roll of her eyes and a deadpan tone, “Why don’t you go seat down and go through your black book to find out who the father is, huh?”

Laurie huffed, “Fucking finally, someone with fire.”

“Sit. Down.”

The blonde smiled before doing just that, gingerly placing her purse beside her as she went to pick up one of the many magazines.

“That was the most beautiful moment I ever experienced.”

They both laughed, “I think she just wanted someone to match against. Although I’ll have to remember to put down a quarter for my comment.”

At Donna’s raised eyebrow she answered lightly, “My friends and I have a rule, every time we resort to name-calling other women to shut them up or somehow make a point in a fight we have an ‘I was a sexist asshole’ jar and we need to put quarters in.”

The redhead laughed before humming in agreement, “Learning through the pain of losing money, nice.”

“Yeah,” Jackie answered, “When it’s full we find a woman’s shelter and give them the contents of it.”

They lapsed in silence after that, Donna wondering how this woman was the same girl who thought college was for ugly people and Jackie chastising herself for wondering when the insults would come out of the taller girl’s mouth.

It was an awkward situation.

“Are you two done, or?”

“Shut it,” the two girls said in tandem, Jackie’s hand coming and pointing towards her, “I can and will make you suffer. I don’t care you’re pregnant.”

Laurie pouted, hands meeting in her distended stomach while she rolled her eyes and looked away.

“It’s like magic.”

“Yup, call me Glinda the good witch.”

They both laughed before Donna sighed and nodded to a secluded part of the waiting room, “Can we talk, it’s about Laurie.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, life imploded - as you all well know, btw I hope you're all safe!!! - and I had no energy or want to do anything other than watch avatar the last airbender and starkid. Anyway, here goes nothing and thank you for all the love you guys have shown this fanfic! It means the world to me!

Jackie and Donna quietly made their way to an unoccupied area of the obstetrician’s waiting room; eyes still attached to Laurie as the woman flipped through magazines and caressed her distended stomach. Jackie wondered how far along the older woman actually was, she knew she couldn’t be too far – she was far too skinny for that – but she was _clearly_ pregnant.

“She’s four months,” Donna answered her with a smile. “About to turn five, apparently.”

“Apparently?”

“She actually doesn’t know when the baby was conceived.” Donna grimaced, “Or with whom.”

“Wait, really? I was joking about the black book.” Jackie winced, “Jesus no wonder Red’s heart gave out.”

“Yeah, that’s why the doctor’s worried actually. She doesn’t have the father’s history and Laurie herself said she was in a major drug raze for the last two years.”

“And since she likes the drunk, drugged and dirty…” Jackie shook her head. “They think something’s wrong with the baby?”

“Yeah, that’s why she’s going so much – to catch up on pre-natal care and figure out what’s up with the baby.”

“Jesus what a mess.”

Donna sighed, “I haven’t told anyone yet.” There were tears in her eyes as her hands nervously fiddled with her corduroy jacket sleeve, “I don’t know if Mrs. Foreman can handle that right now.”

“But Laurie knows, right?”

“Yeah, but I think she only stopped with the drugs when she decided to come back home.” Donna rolled her eyes, “She was on heavy stuff Jackie, she’s still recovering from severe withdraw. I have no idea how she’s standing right now.”

“I hate to ask this,” Jackie sighed, hand on her purse as she bit her lip. “But how do we know she’s actually sober?”

“I’ve been making her pee on a stick every day.” Donna confessed.

Jackie couldn’t take it, the whole situation was so ridiculous – so messed up and trite with tension and grief and drama – that she started to laugh. It was almost hysterical, the laugh escaping her mouth and although it wasn’t loud several pregnant ladies, their husbands and companions, stared at her as if she were crazy for daring to laugh in such a place.

Maybe she was crazy, maybe she had lost her mind and this was just the delusions of a mad woman with no friends and no future. But then she remembered the feel of Teddy’s hug and the tattoo on her ribs and all that went away.

She wasn’t crazy. Jackie was just a part of a crazy world.

“I’m sorry this isn’t funny.”

Donna scoffed, laughter threatened to spill from her mouth. “It kind of is, honestly.”

###

They dropped Laurie off at home, Bob hugging the two tightly before sending them off with the promise to take care of the cranky woman. Jackie didn’t know what to think, the hospital visit was tense, to say the least – Laurie still didn’t remember much about the time before she quit the heavy drugs and she still refused to tell them what those actually were, although they all had their suspicions. The baby, thank every god above and below, seemed fine if a little weak and small for their supposed age, Donna and her insisted they do more testing to make sure the child – and Laurie – were alright and so were still in limbo, waiting to see if the results would come as a calm lake or a raging tornado.

The two young women, now trapped together in the car, both wondered what to do next – should they tell Mrs. Forman or any of their friends? Should they wait for the test results and see if it was even necessary?

“Only Laurie would make being pregnant much more dramatic than it has to be,” commented Donna, hand on the steering wheel as they stopped in front of Fatso Burger.

Jackie laughed, airy and simple. “She was always a drama queen.”

The shorter woman looked at her, really looked for the first time since she’d arrived and noticed a few things. Donna was tired, not as in ‘I haven’t slept and need coffee’ tired but ‘life’s wearing me down and I can’t take it anymore’ tired, her shoulders hunched, bright eyes dull and downcast, form insecure and tiny even in her large frame.

“What happened?” Jackie asked before she could stop herself. Eyes wide with fear the younger girl looked away, scared of a mean comment or the order to leave the car and never come back, scared of having crossed some invisible line in this tentative, new friendship they were trying to create.

“I did,” Donna murmured, voice wet with tears. “God I’m so tired, all the time.”

“I feel like Eric after school y’know?” she looked at Jackie, “Drifting with no anchor to speak of, knowing I have to move forward but never doing so, afraid and unwilling. And I’m trying, I swear I am – trying to grow up, to find myself in all this clutterfuck of a life but.”

“But you’re tired.” Jackie finished before sighing, “Did you ever wonder why I left the way I did?”

Donna snorted an awful and depressing sight before closing her eyes and leaning her head against the driver’s seat. “We were awful to you, me and Hyde specially. I was so angry when you left; I saw it as cowardice y’know?”

“But then I started to notice that even people I had been friendly towards in the past didn’t speak to me anymore – Fez didn’t even look me in the face after you left, only arranged dinner, told everyone he liked girls and boys and fled with Buddy – while Randy and I imploded, badly, and Hyde and I.”

She stopped for a moment, a sad smile in place. “We egged the other on, meaner and crueler and seeing the other crack was our drug – our thing. I guess that’s when I realized that everyone left us because of us, it wasn’t – you weren’t the problem, or a coward or any other thing – I was.”

They didn’t look at each other for a moment, both holding back tears as memories from before – before the hurt, the divide and _life _got in a way of a friendship, a sisterhood, so strong it put fear into people’s heart. Jackie felt a hand close around her own before the taller of them whispered – “I’m sorry,” and all the torrent of tears came down.

###

For the first time in almost a week, Kitty Forman was alone with her husband. Well, she was alone and her husband was there, asleep, in the same room as her. It was unnerving, seeing Red so pale and without life; he looked so tiny with all the wires providing him with medicine, food and liquid. He looked vulnerable and weak and not like her Red at all.

She missed him. All of him, his laugh, his snark and rude comments, his simple understanding and compassion, his calloused hands on her, his shiny eyes and secret smiles; Kitty missed Red. With all her heart, with a burning soul.

It was so unfair that after surviving a war and all the trouble it brings her strong and fearless husband would be brought down by their daughter’s surprise pregnancy. It felt like a cosmic joke, one that wasn’t funny at all and that, if Red was awake, he would be telling God just where to put it.

Just this once, Kitty wouldn’t scold him for it.

With one hand on his limp one Kitty kissed his forehead, her other hand on his already too long hair – _honestly how does it grow so fast? _– As she allowed herself to rest her head on the crook of his shoulder and her eyes to close.

“You’ll come back, won’t you Red?” she asked, voice whiny and rough from all the crying, mind stuck in that moment years ago before he went back to Korea when she asked the same question, hoping she would somehow get the same answer.

_“For you sweetheart?” he said, an easy smirk on his face as his hands caressed her face. “Anything.”_

“For me you will. I know you will.”


End file.
